i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize