I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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