i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
