sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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