Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
