says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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