What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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