RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
