I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
