Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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