the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
