I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
