between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize