Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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