he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
