wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
