you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
