We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
