and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
