I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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