this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
