He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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