Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
