I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
