Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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