I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
