I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
