I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Sorry my hands just texted you
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize