low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
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