If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
