Define "chronic" masturbator.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
