Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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