Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize