He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
