She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I will die if light touches me.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
