you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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