Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
