I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
