I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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