if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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