I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
