you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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