I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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