You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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