My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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