So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
