Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
