My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
