One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
