i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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