life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
