i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
