i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
