what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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