It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
