if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I understand Curling. That high.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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