Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
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