If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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