I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The air was thick with penises
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
