We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
