apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
