I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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