just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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