So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
