Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
