My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I stole a fireplace last night.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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