I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
