I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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