I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
