As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
