Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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