So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
