Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I think your dad took our porno
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
